March 23
“’But I have this against you, that you have left your first love.’” (Revelation 2:4)
When I was younger in the faith, maybe twenty years or so ago, I was memorizing large portions of scripture, even entire books of the Bible. During the busiest time of my life I had four young children, I was working a full time job, and I was enrolled in a program to get a Masters degree in two and a half years (in other words, I did not have the option of completing it at my own pace). Yet during that time, at time when I was planning and budgeting my time down to every 15 min increment, I was more diligent in studying the Word on a daily basis than perhaps I have ever been, and I have a notebook full of notes that I took during that time to prove it. I was also serving the Lord in various ways at this time, including being on the board of directors for a small international mission organization.
It seems to me that I was more zealous for the Lord back then. I had energy and made time for the Word. I had a commitment to memorize scripture, which seems a lot more difficult for me now (a few years ago I memorized a chapter of Proverbs, but other than that my memorization is almost non-existent… but I am praying about how to regain this habit). Perhaps one could say that my love for the Lord has grown cold… or at least colder.
When we have faced the struggles of life – conflicts in the home, stresses and layoffs in the workplace, financial losses, unanswered prayer, persecutions and difficulties, abandonment by those closest to us, the weight of your sin, significant undertakings (including ministries) into which we pour our heart and energy amounting to nothing, other Christians attacking and accusing you, children who are not walking with the Lord, marital difficulties, the realization that you aren’t the Christian you thought you were, great feelings of inadequacy, mounting disappointments, and hopes and dreams seemingly ignored by God – it can wear us down and wear us out. We can get disillusioned and discouraged. Our energy for ministry and outreach wanes, and the thought of serving the Lord with zeal can even seem burdensome. We can wonder why we should even keep trying.
If this describes you, take courage. If you are weary and heavy-laden, take heart. If you feel tempted beyond what you are able, don’t give in and don’t give up. I have experienced everything in the paragraph above, and when I am walking in the flesh, it seems too much to bear – it is too much to bear. I just want to give up. But when I am walking in the Spirit, it’s all okay. God is my hope, and if I have Christ, I have everything. Having Him makes all the struggles melt into insignificance.
My point here is that in the difficulties of life we can be tempted to walk away from the Lord, to become discouraged, to give in to sin, to become cold and indifferent toward God, and to leave our first love. These difficulties all come, I believe, for our testing and for our training. In my case, I believe I was serving the Lord more in my own wisdom and strength than His. I was not abiding in Christ. I was not seeking only to do His will, I had a lot of my own will I was trying to accomplish along the way.
Perhaps this is the same problem the Ephesians had and many of us: we strive to serve the Lord in our own wisdom and strength, we find it difficult, we get to the point where we are discouraged or just going through the motions, and an intimate love and relationship with Christ is not there anymore. We get off track without realizing that He is the point, He is the goal, He is our Source, and the ministry is secondary. Our goal should be Him and Him only, seeking His holiness and His will, relying on His wisdom and His power, content to just be near to Him.
May God give us the grace to seek Him and a relationship with Him first and foremost, and to rekindle that love relationship with Him that we may have lost along the way.