April 4
“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.” (Ephesians 5:18)
Picking up where we left off yesterday…
Now if there was a gift of the Spirit called “humility” or “obedience” or “holiness,” I’d be seeking it; I’d be all over that kind of spiritual gift because I see that I have a desperate need for those. But what would a gift of prophecy or miracles or tongues do for me in my pursuit of God? I am certain I would be blessed and be a blessing to others more than I am now, and I would very much appreciate that, but my greatest concern is me. My greatest fear is washing out for Christ, failing to buffet my body and being disqualified, amounting to nothing, failing in life and service, and displeasing Him. I know my sin nature, and great success and blessings are things that I am concerned I would not handle well at all, and it might only lead to a greater downfall.
My problem is I still see sin lingering in my heart. I still see the devil and my fleshly desires waiting patiently for me to get discouraged or tired and using every opportunity to take advantage of my weaknesses to entice me to sin. Even knowing this, I still give in at times. I am aware of my failures to follow Christ, and I am painfully aware of the many times I have quenched and grieved His Spirit. I am nagged at times by my old habits and lusts. I am paranoid that I may someday, during times of great temptation, go back to my “vomit,” the sins that God has rescued me from. I see the impurity in my heart, and I don’t see how pursuing great gifts or additional blessing from God would fix those problems, the deepest problems of my heart.
My fear is that I don’t fully have my flesh under control. I don’t believe that I am trained in righteousness and obedience to the point where I would be able to handle any success or any trial without sin. My only hope is that He will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I am able to bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). I am desperate for a more solid foundation in me, a purer heart, a deeper love for Christ, a greater faith, and a lot more obedience to what I already know I should be doing. This is where my focus is.
There is one additional reason why I do not seek miraculous signs and the so-called sign gifts: I am frankly not impressed with the talk and the show and the claims that we hear about in some Christian circles. I am skeptical of what I hear, and from what I have seen, limited as it may be, I don’t really believe that many of those folks are any further along than I am in mastering the flesh and loving the Lord with all their hearts. I see the same weaknesses and struggles in them. If I saw incredible holiness and humility and godliness in those who claim to have closer connections to the Spirit or amazing spiritual gifts, I would be much more impressed. Maybe they do have a closer walk with God and I just missed it, I don’t know. But I am also mindful about Jesus’ judgment in Matthew 7:21-23 to those who in Jesus’ name performed many miracles and cast out demons, “and then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you, depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’” It is not the exercise of great gifts or having great success that makes us pleasing to God, but our true humility and diligent obedience to His Word, especially in areas no one knows about and in the secret places of the heart. It is, I believe, the purity of our hearts and the condition of our souls that is far more important that any outward signs or spiritual success we may experience or see in others. So these areas of the heart are my focus and the focus of these exhortations.